Coming back to social media as @mademoisellepanka held a lot of anxiety and fear for me. Mostly the fear of being judged.
I had to sit with this feeling for a long time because it didn’t feel right for me nor something I want to allow myself to fall for. Because I knew the fear of being judged is a trap!!
Just couldn’t figure out what kind.
Than the day I did my ‘comeback’ on Instagram I got the answer.
I was scrolling and checking out my favorite super inspiring instagrammers when all the sudden I realized, eventho, I was totally fangirling one of these girl’s account I held some sort of judgement towards her, jealousy and the thought of ‘it’s easy for her, she has support’. AUCH!!
I had to shook myself to realize these were my thoughts for real!
Judgement fired up inside of me and started to even critisize my feelings about her…
Here is the big trap I told you about!
But instead of going even deeper with it and tuning into shame+guilt channel on my radio I sat myself down and took a deep breath.
As I was sitting I tried to layer down my emotions.
My last ones were almost shame and guilt.
What caused them?
Where is this jelousy coming from? What caused it?
Where is this judgement coming from?
What happened? Who hurt me that made me feel insecure and judgemental?
I got attacked a lot in school and on the streets for how I look, the teachers hurt me because I didn’t fit in any boxes so on… I allowed all these hurtful memories to come to the surface and just feel them and feel fucking sorry for myself.
Than I asked myself if I can forgive those people who hurt me and let them go. And so I did.
That was the moment I decided to actually come back to instagram. Restart my blog. And do and be 100% me.
I was judging myself for something I was scared to do. Now I don’t care anymore. Actually, I am proud to be back.
And what if someone judge me for it? Well, I forgive them and I let them go ❤️
Have you ever wondered where your insecurities are coming from?
Without judging them just trying to find what happened to you that made you feel that way.
Don’t forget not to judge whatever your answer is to that!
So here are some new pictures we took the other day to share with you guys along with this writing.
Despite the snow on the pictures it’s +6°C outside which is pretty crazy considering that it’s the middle of winter in Canada and usually it goes down to -25°C sometimes even colder at this time of the year.
99% of the time I like to dress super basic and comfortable as you can see.
Pants: Yoga Jean
Boots: Dr. Martens
T-shirt and hoodie: H&M basic
Biker jacket: Thrifted
Handbag: Armani Exchange
My makeup was:
Foundation: Catrice(nope, not natural)
Eyebrows: Elate powder and Aveda pencil
Talk to you soon x